911

Today is the eleventh day of September. This is the eleventh year after the year so many lives were changed. It's no small thing.

It's a little on the poignant side for me to be in Texas again today. I was here, eleven years ago, but in another town.

I can remember the grappling feeling in my brain--trying to both grasp the reality of the situation and simultaneously to reject it. The deep, reeling, desperate, shallow-breathed, humanity of the moment as the second plane hit the south tower of the world trade center. Instantaneous overwhelming grief for individuals I didn't know and for those that knew them, empathy for their loss, great desperate, selfish, soul-straining prayers that none of the loss I was irrationally mourning might be mine.

And then to spend the rest of the day in wonder that the entire world hadn't stopped. To feel like the carrying on of life was to tap-dance on a land mine. Wondering if more was to come, or if it was okay to let the initial shock take over altogether and resonate. It takes energy. It takes strength to absorb a blow, and if more are coming, you might need that strength for something else.

By the grace and mercy of God none of the grief was mine in a direct personal sense, such as that of losing a loved one. But we all were attacked that day. Every American and everyone else. Because it didn't matter who was on those planes, or who was in those towers. Many who were killed and hurt were not Americans. It was evil. It was hatred. And it was ignorance. We all suffer for these. Each one of us.

I like the photo at the top of the blog today. It's not the burning towers, the masses running through streets, their lives chased by the debris of falling buildings and burning bodies. It's strength and it's hope. It's carrying on. It's not giving up. It's not giving in. And it's gratitude.

This is a deeply personal thing for me. This date will always elicit strong feelings in me. I took the attacks very personally, because I understood very well the blanket nature of the hate and the ignorance that drove the attack.

And I took it personally because I think of myself as a "Stateless Ambassador." I don't feel like I belong to any one place, like I have only one home. I find "home" on both sides of the Earth, and I feel I could find it almost anywhere. We are all human. We were all attacked. If we can all be made equal in attack, we should all be free to love one another and to be loved by one another. We are all human. We all belong to each of us. That's why this day means so much to me. It's not only because I'm American, but because I'm human. Those who chose to attack could have chosen to love.

It's bewildering to me, honestly, how lines on a map can divide hearts and minds. How those who believe religiously in Love can practice such indiscriminate hate.

Father, forgive them, and please help me to do the same.