Music and Whisky

I missed the rhythm with my friend last time. Missing a lot these days. Missing Chinese New Year. Too bad he's checking out for it, but Music and Whisky are the essence of him, really--and fire and, and water, and the night sky.

Well, he's one half of me, not the other.

I wonder if there's really any place where I can be all of who I am. At least there's someone who knows half of me.

Blah.

Brother & Sister-out-law

Got a call today from the brother of my ex. He just returned to Taiwan last November after living for 10 years in the States. His situation back home is strange.

Everyone wanted him home, he finally went home, but no one will hire him because he needs to do military service (he didn't think he was going to have to), so now he's broke and no one wants anything to do with him! Absolutly insane family.

So, he's gonna go spend a year in Singapore, where his filthy stinking ritch boyfriend lives, to get residency there.

Everyone wanted him to come home and care for his ailing parents. His four sisters have been sharing the job, but all of them irritated at him for living the good life in the States while they have to do "his" job back home. He can't earn money to take care of them, so now no one cares! Really shitty family, eh?

My ex didn't even bother to see him while he was in town and only briefly spoke to him on the phone.

And our lives have their similarities, let me tell you! For one thing, everyone wanted me to come back "home" too, but once I got here no one wanted anything to do with me, either.

My sister-in-law, in fact, went to see my mom in the nursing home today to order her not to call my brother any more because she's bothering him.

Ain't family GREAT?

Where's the bottom and are you happy with who's topping?

I'm not sure how valid this is, but I'd put a little money behind it.

I'm just thinking. Actually, the last few days I've been pretty depressive and I don't know why. so, anyway, maybe this is kind of depressive, too, but I was thinking of driving in Taiwan, for some reason.

When you first get to Taiwan, you can't believe the traffic. It's absolutely horrific. Before I got to Taiwan, I had made friends with lots of Taiwanese--who told me I drove like a Taiwanese taxi driver. So, when I first got there, I felt insulted.

Then I started driving there--a huge American car. And I was ACE at it!

It was very stressful but man, you gotta have real skills to drive with the natives--I'm talking actual driving skills. Here in Norte America, you can get by just keeping it between the lines and not being TOO much of an idiot. In Taiwan, you MUST learn to use your side mirrors, learn to parallel park--which I'd never done before--and you really need to be able to drive as well in reverse as you do forward--so you can park or back out again.

Let me tell you, I park and I'm amazing in reverse!! I really am!!

The depressive thing is that no one here thinks I know shit about crap. Not long after I got back, a friend (supposedly my best one--another depressing thing is coming to grips with the fact that I really haven't had a best friend in years, but that's another entry.) was stuck in a tight spot with a steep drop off behind her and needed to back up to turn around. Would she take my word and let me back her out? Of course not. She had to call her husband.

This is the same friend who learned to drive a stick and used to have to call her dad or husband (then boyfriend) to get her up a damn hill. Once I was with her and refused to let her call. I got out and behind the car to "push"--and be a victim if my faith in her was misplaced, and forced her to drive herself out of the ditch she'd rolled backward into.

And I've felt like this my entire life around here. I had to go move to another country to be taken seriously enough to be given a chance to do anything well. I never would have learned to drive here--I mean really drive.

I don't know. Maybe I give off some kind of "dumb" vibe. A girl who liked me liked me once said that I was actually very smart, but I just acted silly. I don't think I act silly, I just don't play games and don't, DON'T, like people putting on airs. I know a lot of stuff, but so does everyone. Different people know different stuff. This way no one has to know everything see? It all works out. So I don't people who feel too "special," and I don't do that. So, I get no respect?

I guess I'm writing this now cause I'm starting to feel this way again. Spoke to some real jerks the other day who managed to make me feel beneath them with "subtle" look and condescending tone. I detest them for doing it--they don't know me from Joe--but I detest myself for allowing them to get to me.

No Poet

It's been a bussy little while. I've gotten moved to the new appartment--still putting things together and away. It's not as pretty outside, and inside the stairs are a bit of a pain, but there is a much larger kitchen and I have my own washer and dryer and they're big enough to wash an entire load. Yippie! So now I'm doing a lot of laundry.

still haven't been able to find a nursing home here with room for my mom that can also get her to dialysis.

Have found out that my instructor for internship will be the department head, who I'm pretty sure isn't happy with me for insisting on doing internship while not employed.

I'm tired. Very tired.

I haven't heard from my favorite tomcat all year so far . . . . . . .

This entry isn't very poetic: they have been so far, for some reason.